July 2006

Why Fred Basset is the “Dumbest Comic Strip Ever”.

July 12, 2006 by Screenbeard

Update: 2007-06-02 I don’t care if you like Fred Basset. If you were thinking of commenting read this instead and then go away!

Many of you already know that Fred Basset is close to, if not the dumbest comic strip of all time. I know for a fact that there are whole religions based on pondering the worthlessness that is “Fred Basset”. For those that do not know, Fred Basset is a comic strip featuring a basset-hound that does ordinary dog things, and comments about them as though they are remarkably funny. They aren’t.

Now there never was much debate about it being a good comic, but in case there were any remaining basset-hound loving comic-readers with the sense of humour of a toasted marshmallow that thought Fred Basset was an amusing slice of suburban doggy life — I present the following.

Reader Beware! Before you click, you must know your immortal soul will be in jeopardy as you read it. It will cry out as though stuck by the very pitchfork of Satan himself. Hold on, and pray to whatever gods you must. I take no responsibility for it’s hideousness.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest or “How to wow and annoy an audience all at once”

July 10, 2006 by Screenbeard

Went to see above-mentioned film on the weekend. First off let me take the opportunity to say, “Shove over d#@-head!”. The session I went to was the biggest of the 30 screens on offer, but it was still overcrowded. Which wouldn’t make me annoyed (well not in the same self-righteous sort of way) except that each group of people decided that everyone that didn’t belong to their little group was smelly or evil and left one seat between them and the next group of xenophobes.

So my friend and I were forced to split up and sit either side of one fat guy with a B.O. problem… no, I’m fibbing — we had to sit in the second row.

Thus begins the discussion of “Pirates of the Caribbean”, starring Orlando Bloom’s Nostrils, Johnny Depp’s Mascara, and Keira Knightley’s… pores. Don’t get me wrong — they’re beautiful pores (actually I will say this for the film — when you’re looking up at the pores of a real person and a CG character and they’re equally as detailed — it’s good CG), but no one should be forced to critically analyse an actor’s skin because of another person’s ignorance.

So on to the movie.

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Hercules Returns: PLEASE!

July 3, 2006 by Screenbeard

I was reading about some stupid but fun movies on DVD Verdict, and thought I’d get their opinion on a movie released in 1993 that was one of the silliest, and most quotable movies of all time — Hercules Returns.

It turns out they haven’t reviewed it. Neither has Rotten Tomatoes. “What is wrong with the world”, think I.

Searching IMDB finds it, but sadness sets in as I realise that it can only be bought legally on VHS from the UK (and if memory serves the quality wasn’t great to begin with).

To my international reader — Hercules Returns was a movie made by a few of our comedians by re-dubbing an old 1960’s Hercules movie with new dialogue. It’s some of the funniest stuff to ever be made in Australia, and is one of those films that gets mentioned in passing in a social situation, and dominates the rest of the evening being quoted over and over until someone says they haven’t seen it, and you all troop to the nearest (or furthest if necessary) video shop to hire it immediately because they MUST SEE IT NOW.
“I’ll fight you on one condition… that you lower your nipples.”
Seriously, this is a must see for any Aussie. Sadly, it is becoming increasingly difficult to induct friends into the Hercules Returns club because it’s just so difficult to find now.

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